Downtown Girl.

A bisexual girl has to be careful these days!

You worry about whether you should get a fringe and if eating yoghurt a day past expiration will kill you and whether the guy you love is into you, or if the girl you fancy is even into girls herself.  The last thing you really worry about is if you're about to become an accidental paedophile.

I ran into someone from the old days on a day out with some friends; couldn't quite remember her, even though I recognised her face. I was naturally delighted at seeing her face (her beautiful face I might add) and she (surprisingly) seemed ECSTATIC to see me again.

Normally when I run into someone I haven't seen for a while, a mellow sort of nostalgic hello occurs and we go our separate ways within an awkward minute after reunion. 

But no, cute little Elfie cheek kissed me hello twice and a half, which is one and a half times more than socially practiced for straight girls, and held onto me longer than I am accustomed to being hugged. She even played with my hair slightly during conversation. (This was a big clue that she was not entirely heterosexual.)

I am a rather affectionate gal, let me say, and I do appreciate a warm greeting. In fact, I usually extend the default length of time of a hug with a jokey side to side dance.

(I just realised that to most people that probably doesn't make sense. When I hug someone, just as I can feel their muscles tense up to release me from a hug, I cling on a bit longer and sway them from side to side in a jokey "haha no I'm not letting you go" type fashion. It only really occurs with people I am close to, for obvious reasons.)

But, you can imagine my surprise when she initiated a similar side to side sway motion in her  hug. "My God, this is fate. I should almost definitely make out with this girl at some point in the future." I thought. 

Yes, readers, you can work out someone's sexuality by their style of hug, just the same as you can work out whether you should kiss them or not by the same method. Although, let me say, it's a hit and miss method, as I have discovered by referencing a person's rug munching habit which didn't exist and a cringey accidental neck kiss incident. (If either of those victims are reading this, I'm so sorry.)

So of course, after a conversation which was shortened by my friends' boredom and a curious look from Himself, I was happy to receive Elfie's number in the hope that I might shed some light on her sexuality later. On my return home, I was slightly curious and, after remembering that I had her as a friend on facebook from ages ago, I went clicky clicky click click.

I scrolled down to her info and hello, "interested in" ?

Men and Women?

Oh super, thank you facebook, don't mind if I do!

I didn't pay any more attention to facebook as my phone vibrated with a message.

I tapped out a plain "oh hey was good to see you" type text and almost pressed send. Then I thought of the side to side sway in her hug and her liquid gold eyes. Nahhh. 

Edit:

Insert flirtacious banter and a ;)

Send.

"Cool. Now back to a bit of healthy facebook page stalking. Where do I know this girl from?I vaguely remember her telling me a joke about chocolate once.....

Photos! 

Ah yes, I wouldn't mind a look at that beautiful .....FUCK! Why's she in a school uniform?!"

"Noooo it's one of those dress up nights at a club" I thought to myself, but at the back of my mind I knew. Sadly, I knew too late.

My search for confirmation of her school girl status continued. Her birthday didn't mention the year she was born, which was frustrating. I looked at the date of photo upload of her in a school blaze.

Last week.

ARSEBISCUITS! 

I had just unknowingly flirted with a girl three years younger than me and sent her an inappropriate text. My shame increased when a reply to aforementioned text never happened.

Ahhh but she seemed so into me! 
And she looked about twenty!
God those eyes....

Excuse us, we're gonna need to see some photo ID before you can flirt with the bloggeress.

I was an accidental paedophile.

But even worse, I got snubbed.

So, from now on I think I'm going to have to ID people before I flirt with them, or before they offer to give me their number. God, I feel so old. But you're only as old as the people you feel, right? ;)

No, Cazz, off downtown to jail with you.

P.s 

The title to this blog is dedicated to the 18 times I listened to Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" whilst writing this.