Cheating. Let's conjugate, shall we?
|Cheat at monopoly. I DARE you.|
However, I do not cheat.
"Oh-ho?", you ask? (why the hell are you talking like a Sherlock Holmes novel?)
Okay, we all cheat at solitaire, and sometimes when we play monopoly. Sneaking a few extra notes of fake money and cheating yourself in a game of cards doesn't count.
I mean real cheating.
|OMG relevant pop culture!|
What I mean is when you cheat someone out of something good because of your own selfish agenda or cheat someone out of a moment because you yourself have your own idea.
Recently I have felt pretty damn let down by supposed male role models.
*rant rant my Daddy doesn't spend enough time with me, I feel so insecure rant rant*
No I'm not on about thaat either. God you readers are really not following my flow today are you?
I was cheated by a tutor from my college. I had never seen eye to eye with this man, because making any sort of eye contact made me feel instantly at unease; which is very unlike me since I talk to strangers daily. (I never was sufficiently taught stranger danger as a child, you see) He also had the steely eye glint like villains in movies have; I totes could have imagined this, but it felt like it when I had to go talk to him in his cupboard of an office. I never make an effort to speak up in his classes like I do in all of my other classes; I simply have no respect for this man because of his attitude towards girls.
He is sexist. I had always assumed this up until I was made certain. People can make sexist jokes and enjoy them in the company of others and not be sexists. The same logic can be applied to people who tell racist jokes, but racism is severely frowned upon and sexism is merely smiled at with a slight disapproving "oh" sound coming from the offended gender.
I knew he was a bit of a pig, but I never thought he was a complete arsehole!
You see, after discussing my future prospects and career choices with this tutor, he commented on how girls worry so much about their careers and grades and how it would be so much easier for them [and him not having to deal with distressed females] if they all just got married to [rich] husbands. And the tone he said it in was the snottiest voice I've heard since I visited The Boy Wonder at his Russell Group University.
There are sexist jokes ("get back into the kitchen woman!") and there are complete sexist beliefs which need immediate correction. And by correction I mean instant castration.
Sadly, I did not have my testicle removal kit in my bag that day, so I simply expressed my shock and offence at his saying this, and emphasised that I do not intend to rely on a man to support me financially for the rest of my life. He laughed the comment off, but continued talking in a patronising manner to me.
On the inside I was strangling him with my silver and purple polka-dotted nails, but on the outside I had my arms and legs crossed and made monosyllabic effort in the way of speech towards him until I was able to leave his office.
I think one of the main reasons I was furious at this man was because of my complete phobia of failure. Also, being the only female in a house full of boys (spare a housewife mother) I am used to being patronised and mocked (albeit kindly) by men and cannot stand it in a supposedly professional environment. I have grown up to form the opinion that if I do not have a career, I do not have a life. I cannot be a pair of walking ovaries to spout out the next heir to the macho pig throne; I would eat trotters before I let that happen.
Sure, I completely plan and want to have babies once I've made something of myself, but I don't plan to just queef out my devil spawn and sit on my arse for eighteen years. I could probably do some writing whilst preventing my future hypothetical children from becoming social criminals, maybe even get a novel published; it's in the future so I don't even need to think about it right now. My point is, when this man was reinforcing his opinion that I should become what I do not want to become, I had no room for forgiveness. I think for those who queef out babies; great, but it shouldn't be turned into some expectation for girls to sacrifice their vaginal elasticity out of fufilling a "duty".
I needed this tutor for a reference, so at all times I tried to remain firm, yet respectful. Then the last lesson on a Wednesday afternoon occurred and this decision went to shit.
Sexism, my dear sexist brute, is one thing. Homophobia, or LGBT-phobia just outright confuses me and pisses me off to a degree of "attitude" that a sassy crackwhore from New York would raise an eyebrow to.
You don't know the point of LGBT club?
You think it's a waste of time?
You think all the gays (completely ignoring the three other letters in the acronym and the straight people who also attend LGBT club; all one of them) should just find somewhere else to hang out?
And then he went on to mock the whole idea of loving the same sex.
No sir, I decided to leave the classroom at that point. I also felt annoyed that my LGBT badge on my leopard print beret (angora wool; so comfortable) was what he pin pointed his eyes on (instead of my boobs for once) and was what began his homophobic rant.
I was also upset for the person in the room who I knew (through my vibing) to be gay, who didn't stand up for themself, because they are not out. I felt pretty disappointed in all my classmates who stood by without saying a word against him and disgust for the few classmates who agreed with this man's intolerance. That week I completely lost my faith in humanity, until I was cuddled to such a degree by Dana Umlaut that I only saw boob for about a decade and then I realised that not everybody is an arshole.
So I feel cheated of an opportunity by this man. True cheating is not fucking around with a secretary or rolling a loaded dice, it is robbing someone of their own beliefs, their self esteem, their chance to succeed, and their faith in other people. The true cheater here is my tutor, and I cannot and will not forgive him for how he made me feel by his words.
However, from this experience G-Unit, The Gent, Dana Umlaut and the rest of the corridor crew completely supported me and I felt empowered to take this guy on and get a bit of justice.
Which will have to do, since my testicle removal kit is at the cleaners from my last incident with a douchebag.