ACHTUNG!

Attention readers,
as you might have noticed I have remained mute since February.
There is good reason for this, since a new creative project sprung up into my brainhole and is awaiting birth.


A webcomic.


It is hardly an original idea for a blogger to start one, but all the same, expect some bright images and fucked up words floating into your vision before September. The site and blog will remain as Lady Rage, although the URL might change to something else once my domain name expires. The original posts will remain tucked away in archives. 


I hope you're excited for some new content as I am!
Sorry to leave you in limbo for so long but I didn't want to say anything until I was sure.


Your kind emails have been appreciated though, as have the pictures of   genitals ; those always brighten up my day.


If you've got any questions and want to send in some nudeys for my entertaintment, the email address as always is:


lady.rage@hotmail.co.uk


(That too will stay the same until after the new site and content launches.)


Expect an update post in about two weeks!

Prop 8 is so gay

In celebration of proposition 8 being ruled unconstitutional, I HAD to draw something a little bit queer. I love me some internet memes, such as Nyan Cat, Lolcatz and of course Pedo bear, so I combined that with a bit of LGBT love!

I know I'm not from nor live in the  USA , but wanting equality for everyone (and not "equality for everyone...except one particular social minority" like those narrow minded bigots believe.) should be a GLOBAL way of thinking.

On a side note, since I'm getting all up in the politics tonight, if the SOPA/PIPA bills are passed, internet memes would discontinue existing therefore this post would stop being awesome...so fight for your rights bitches!

I already can't catch up on episodes of "House" or "Desperate Housewives" on megavideo any more, so lets not allow for my heart to break any more than it has.

Bear it all

You might remember that I have a bit of an obsession with making 3D pop up cards. Previously I made a giraffe, cats' birthday card, a cake and even Lady Gaga and posted about those. I've also made a 3D heart and various peoples' names but sadly sealed gave them to the recipients before I considered taking photos for the blog.

 February is a busy month for birthdays! Four of my closest gals and one guy are celebrating another year alive this month, so I've had to get my creativity on!

Although her birthday was yesterday, and technically I shouldn't post this until after tomorrow (when I will actually have the opportunity to give this to her at her party) in case she sees it, I was too excited!

 Plus, I'm flat hunting tomorrow and I won't have time to blog it. (probably because I'll be washing the stench of cockroaches and desperation from my skin after I get chased by another homeless person - In case you're not following my twitter feed [@LadyzRage] it is not going too swimmingly!)

Happy happy birthday to Holy Holly!

 Release your inner dyke-bear! RAWR!

 Competition Time!
In celebration of my friends' birthdays and because a few of you have emailed in asking if I would sell some of my homemade cards/accessories/merchandise on here, I'm launching a competition.


If you want a chance of winning one of my world famous 3D pop up cards, take a silly photo. It can be of yourself, your best friend, a pet of yours, or of something you have drawn, as long as YOU are either in the photo or YOU took the photo. The more ridiculous, the better. Sending in pictures you stole off tumblr won't cut it.


Send them to: lady.rage@hotmail.co.uk


Or post a link to your photo in the comments section below this post.


The best photos will be posted on my blog and the winners will receive an original Cazz card.
This competition is open GLOBALLY, so there's no excuse not to enter!


Deadline: Monday 20th February 2012


Good Luck!

Scented Candle Pie Chart.

I freaking love scented candles! Ever since my dear friend Rev. KK gave me a beautiful grapefruit scented candle, I have become obsessed with lighting them before I climb into bed and check my emails in the evening. It brings about a gorgeous ambience that seems to chill out my inner Lady Rage. However, my new fragrant friends serve more than just one purpose.

A -Burning pieces of paper.

B- Blowing the flame to make it flicker as much as possible without going out.

C- Used in event of power loss.

D- Trying to save electricity because bills aren't included in your rent and you're a poor writer.

E- To cover up the distinct odours of sex, cigarette smoke and fabric glue.

F- Dipping your fingers into liquid wax and playing with it, then peeling it off.

G-Shadow puppets. 

H-Lighting them and blowing them out just for the "bonfire smell."

I-Impromptu/drunken satanic rituals.

J-Making out/sexual ambience purposes.

K-For decoration.

L-So your guests think you have game.

However, there can be a downside to enjoying naked flames. If you find yourself distracted for a moment whilst partaking in lady activities and end up knocking a belated Christmas present to a friend over, you can end up setting your night stand on fire.

Also, it means a replacement present must be arranged...

An open letter to a dickhead.

We have a traitor in our midst.
Lady Rage has been violated by the eyes of a non-believer! (shun the non-believer, shunnnn!)


A certain person decided rather ignorantly to inform their bored housewife mummy of my blog, who then told a member of my family in a weaselish attempt to cause familial distress over a hypothetical situation involving vomit, which I had created in a blog post from about two years ago. Apparently this certain person and their busybody mother believes life is identical to high school and so the same behaviour is acceptable. Thus violating the unwritten rule that you don't tell people's parents about their goings on on the internet, especially if your own online presence isn't squeaky clean. (Need I mention drunken/drug induced facebook photos and bitchy status updates?) Hypocritical to the nth degree. I don't tell your mother about your sex tape, so don't bitch about me for writing expletives and telling it like it is.


Being a GROWN ASS WOMAN and not a thumbsucking child, this little blip on my radar of "lame" has irked me but ultimately makes me pity the pathetic and snivelling creature who found it necessary to try and stir up some drama via their mummy, because they themselves lack a spine or the ability for confrontation. Whilst I understand misery loves itself some company, just because their existence is miserable does not deem it necessary to try and be a complete whiney bitch by manipulating what was meant to be humourous/sarcastic/ironic into something malicious, when it was not intended so.


 If you don't like what you read here, or my languages offends you, there's a little cross to the right of your browser. Click it and GTFO. You need never return, nor complain to your mother as you undoubtedly suckle from her bosom before she makes sweet incestuous love to you. Excellent timing considering the proposed U.S. legislation (SOPA/PIPA) that threatens internet freedom is all the talk online today and has been boycotted by even Wikipedia. Censor-shit more like.


My advice to the certain person would be to seriously consider getting laid (with someone not related to you preferably). If you go through all of my posts to the very beginning and pick apart sentence after sentence and each snippet of phrase to find something offensive, then you have somewhat of an obsessive disorder and your doctor can easily prescribe you a dose of arsenic to deal with the problem. (i.e you)


To my beautiful and loyal readers who have no idea what I am going on about here, don't worry, I am not changing how I write for anyone, although I may be more careful about who I mention in posts from now on. Certain content has been removed, but only out of my own choosing; there was so little to remove you won't even miss it I promise! A further indepth cleansing process may take place a little later for post taggings/sorting purposes, once my blog is finalised.


After the (still incomplete) redesign of the blog and a new title, there are still changes to be made to the header and sidebar, and even potentially a move to a different domain; I must admit I am not entirely happy with the blogger limitations. People keep throwing around words like tumblr and wordpress etc, but I haven't decided yet.


I am going to have a mailing list for future use, so PLEASE add your email address in the event I change server and Lady Rage is no longer where you expect it to be. You won't be bothered by spam or post updates, because it will be regulated by me personally.


Send to  lady.rage@hotmail.co.uk 
and in either the subject bar or the email itself write "mailing list".


On a lighter note, I was asked by two separate beautiful ladies via facebook chat if I would join them in a threesome. I think I can officially say




WINNING!


p.s sorry colours are not working tonight! So no random highlighting!

Bye Bye Cacti

I wasn't talking to my parents the day I bought the cacti. They had upset me by being unintentionally callous and I had decided to ignore them. Unfortunately my feelings had been hurt on a day out, so there was no escape from their company. The first chance I got, I separated myself from them to wander on my own. 

I strolled into a Homebase hardware store and looked around the aisles full of random crap I didn't need, dreaming up big ideas of what I'd do after college and perhaps at university. But most importantly, what I'd do when I was living away from them.

I only had loose change in my pocket, since my outfit had but one functioning pocket. (and I certainly wasn't going to stuff an oversized wallet into shirt pocket now, was I?) 

Picking up random objects and putting them down again I stopped at a tray of miniature cacti. I've always had a thing about miniature objects. (I coo and aww at the travel sized bottles of shampoo and mouthwash in Boots pharmacy.) You could pin it on some years spent growing up in Dorset, where the biggest attraction was a model village and further link it to my last boyfriend's penis size. 

I counted my change and found I had just enough to buy the three clusters of cacti. Smiling to myself, I pictured putting them in a beautifully coloured plant pot in my dream apartment. A perfect gift to my future self.

I returned home and looked in the garden for a spare pot. 

I filled it with soil and carefully introduced my cacti into their new home. 

Beautiful.

They were the gateway I suppose into my planning a brighter future. Images of wallpaper, rugs and cheap charity shop furniture filled my head as I thought of my future in European Studies or Art or Languages or anything. I could study anything I liked.

 I named the cacti, because I name everything.
Kids, The Fuzz and Twin Towers.
I drew eyes and mouths onto them with ballpoint pen so they could be my friends. I even trimmed The Fuzz's white fluff into a haircut and I removed dead thorns.
They were loved.

And then a couple of months later, they started to get dark green patches and spots. The Fuzz expanded, while the other two cacti clusters shrunk. They were all very unhappy. 
Then the mould came. 


I tried fresh soil, I tried a different room. Less/more sunlight, moister/drier air, warmer/colder temperature. But nothing worked.
 I couldn't save them. 

Pretty soon after that, they became mere gloopy shells of their former selves. The smiling faces that I had lovingly drawn on morphed into scowls and stretched eerily into what looked like screaming faces. Those faces mocked me as they sunk lower and lower into the decaying corpses of my cacti friends. It was heartbreaking to walk into my room and be met with inanimate and glaring eyes staring back at me.

And then, they became mounds of mould before disappearing into the soil and turning into a revolting soupy substance. My friends were dead and buried.


So now, as I peruse various flats, rooms, and apartments looking for a new place to live for however long I choose, I think back to my cacti and how they will never see my new bedsheets for my new place, or how they will never hear the buzz of London traffic whizzing by. But, I will honour them and any new cacti I buy will take pride of place in my household.


They will know the story of Kids, The Fuzz and Twin Towers.


Also, I don't think drawing on plants is too healthy for them...


Happy Friday the 13th everyone!
p.s sorry the image didn't appear for the New Year's Day post, I will rescan that tomorrow!

Happy New Year Bitches!

IDGAF

I was thinking last night (in my death flu delirium; I am super sick and I could complain about it for hours!) about the transformation I have undergone these past several months. All my friends have noticed it, especially my close ones. At the beginning of this year I encountered a traumatic and shocking event which changed a huge aspect of my future. And now, I'm okay with it.


Well not "OKAY" okay, but I'm not circling days on the calendar and writing "Goodbye cruel world", so I think that's progress :-)


And then September said hello politely, before swiftly and remorselessly kicking the living piss out of me, like a pretentious drunken hooligan. 
Previously I would've buckled and stressed out about it for longer than is necessary.


 But you know what?


I dealt with it.
And you can too!


So, reflecting on the year's journey as we tend to do as it draws to the close, here's how I've changed; conveyed via a quick scribble from last night:

Mingerella

 My scanner is currently broken and so I have to take photos of my drawings. 
Expect pictures that aren't blurry or bogged down with shadows sometime after Friday.


I'll scan my previous drawings and update the blog posts too.


Mingerella Monday everyone!

Facebook Funny

Here's a quick drawing I did in order to impress a hot girl in the hopes that she might be what we in the business call a "cunning linguist". 

Have you ever felt an electric wave of joy when several people "like" something you say on Facebook? 
I'm a bit of a "like" slut at the moment. In real life I try and make people laugh, because it brings me happiness; I even have this blog so that I might entertain some people while finding a home for my creative output. So on facebook, I'm like that one friend everyone has who makes dick jokes about EVERYTHING.
And when 21 other people "like" my dick jokes, then they're only encouraging the dick-joke-making monster that I'm bound to become. Also, it officially means I'm facebook funny, which is the bottom rung on the ladder of comedy (just below sarcasm.)


As Charlie Sheen would say,


"WINNING!"


P.s I currently have the death flu, so feel free to send in naked pictures to:
 lady.rage@hotmail.co.uk
especially if you're that hot girl I mentioned previously.